Small and Imperfect but Intentional

The intentional time with your son may seem small and insignificant, but trust us when we say it matters to him- a lot. Your time may also be imperfect. Your conversation may fall flat, or the books you read together may end up being duds, but that's okay. The time and effort you make to connect with your son matters most.

I (Chris) learned this early and often as a dad. When Judah and Jared were young, we went to Starbucks every Sunday and discussed some "old-school" material called Standing Alone. The content was pretty sterile and (to be honest) somewhat boring for the boys, but we were consistent and diligent. The time together was invaluable (even if the drinks were average and the food subpar).

Yes, we talked about Daniel (from the Bible) and how he stood alone with God, but much more importantly, we were consistently together every Sunday, conversing about the week and how our hearts were doing. Those intentional times were key to unlocking and understanding my sons' hearts. Over time, our Sunday mornings grew; we read other spiritually challenging books and discussed "what God is saying to us and how we step into it with him." Over time, others inside and outside our family joined us.

Those seemingly small, imperfect, intentional moments opened up the relational path to what we have today. We are friends, a band of brothers fighting for each other's hearts and lives. It was a long Path we traveled together, but the intentionality and imperfection paid off with intimacy and friendship. Not a bad return!

On the other side of that coin, I (Jared) remember those Sunday-morning intentional outings. I remember Standing Alone. I remember talking about Daniel and his choices. I even remember the journal I used at the time (Pirates of the Caribbean from Disney World). Why do I remember all of that so clearly? Because those outings mattered to me.

Sure, I didn't always pay close attention to content. Mostly, I was more excited about the average, subpar food and drinks, but the time with my dad made a positive impression. My dad made an effort and showed me that he cared, and though I didn't notice at the time, he also cared for my heart. Being known, pursued, and loved that way meant the world, and eventually, I felt comfortable enough to bring the darkest chapters of my story into the light with him.

That Sunday rhythm stayed consistent until I got married in 2020. Losing the rhythm hurt a lot, and though I knew better things lay ahead, it was difficult to let go. Even without the Sunday rhythm, my dad and I still talk about our hearts and spend intentional time together. We still rhythmically talk about where we are taking our questions, what God is doing in our lives, and how we walk with him. It's not always easy, but we are on the same team. We know that no matter what, we're for each other.

Even when it doesn't feel that way, when we hurt or miss one another's hearts, we return to who we are as sons and choose to stay in relationship. Because ultimately, that's what we want.

Intimacy is the desire. Always.

A Bit More on Intentionality

Hopefully, this year was EPIC for you and your son. You've worked hard all year, pushed into new areas, learned new skills, and deepened your intimacy with God as a Father.

By now, I'm sure you know we place a high value on being intentional. It has been a key element of our entire year together. We haven't done a single thing that was not intentional! This may be the end of our year together, but your Journey isn't over. A new adventure awaits, and it requires your intentionality. We encourage you to take some time to reflect on your time with your son and begin to look forward to the months beyond this program. Take 20-30 minutes in a quiet space and journal through the prompts below:

Reflect on your time with your son.

1. What worked? What didn't?
2. What were the big "a-ha" moments for you and your son? What stuck?
3. What was/is a real struggle? Name the good, the bad, and the ugly! (We like cowboy movies, too.)

Strategize how to keep the GOOD rhythms flourishing.

1. What is it going to take to keep the momentum going?
2. Scheduled time each day or week?
3. Are you getting it on the monthly calendar?
4. Taking some PTO time?
5. Setting some money aside?
6. Picking a good "restoration" project? (See the Mini-Adventure this month)

Strategize on how to increase the frequency and depth of those GOOD rhythms.

1. If it's reading your Bible twice a week, how about 3 times?
2. If you meet once a week for ten minutes, sharing your heart, how about twice a week for 10 minutes?
3. If you're doing the "Hands Down, Hands Up" rhythm twice a week, try three to four times!

Take a few things that did NOT work or challenged your faith or relationship with one another. Ask yourself...

1. Why was this such a challenge? Be specific.
2. How could we redeem this rhythm or topic? (Ask Jesus for some help) Maybe watch some Bible Project videos on the subject? Perhaps it's reading a book and discussing it?
3. Journal what is going on in your heart. Set aside time to talk and pray about it together.

Dive into the Rhythms of Sonship that are ahead for you.

1. In each R.O.S., we will share some new areas you can focus on to increase your intimacy with each other and with God as Dad! These are time-tested and originate with the mystics of the faith going all the way back to the disciples. Scale them well. Adjust when needed, and we promise they will yield excellent fruit. Be gracious to yourself as you go from "tottering first steps" to a "manly stride."

Think back to the good times this year.

1. Tell stories, laugh, and celebrate each good moment! Write the memories down. We easily forget the good in our lives, so don't overlook anything good from the year.

Go back and re-read the Father's WisDUMBs we gave you this year. We hope they continue to help you out on the Path of Sonship.