In a world full of confusion, it's hard to find what we need to lead our families well. This can often leave a gap in us and our dad skills. Throughout the year, we want to help you bridge that gap with truth, stories, and time-tested fathering skills. We don't want to father your sons for you; we want to EQUIP YOU to father them. We believe in you and who God has created you to be.
This is why, at the beginning of every month, we offer you some wisdom that we've learned from years of either fathering our sons or being fathered by God. We spell it w-i-s-D-U-M-B because often, the wisdom we've gained is from making the wrong decision and seeing that there is a better Path forward. Some wisDUMB will be short bites to get you thinking. Others will have practical steps you can take with your boy. Whatever it is, we believe they will help you engage and experience all God has for you and your son this year.
Click through the titles in the green menu below for each wisDUMB.
God is your Son's Father
Remember, guys, you must receive Sonship before offering it to your son.
It's okay if you have not fully received your identity as a Son. You and your son are walking the Ancient Path TOGETHER. Ultimately, God is your heavenly Dad and your son's heavenly Dad. Store that life-giving truth in your heart because, as your son's heavenly Dad, God will initiate him in the areas you fall short.
God's fathering isn't an excuse to check out, but it does bestow the grace we need to move forward on the Path. Even if you feel behind, you're not. Be present to the adventure God calls you on now. He created you to depend on him most, especially as a father. Your Creator is co-fathering your son with you. Only as a SON will you father your son well. You don't need to be perfect right now; step into the adventure of Sonship, even if you started at the trailhead this year, and allow God to show up where your heart lacks. Trust us; it's more than worth it.
God Call Up, Not Out
Your son is at a challenging age and living in an even tougher time. He lives life with a constant barrage from other sources that try to draw him away from the man God made him to be. At the end of the day, he isn't going to live perfectly. He will make poor decisions at some point in life, and when he does, your response as his dad is really, really important - essential, really.
You can call your son UP into something better, his true identity. Or you can call him OUT, leaving him to wallow in shame, self-doubt, and self-hatred.
Calling him UP is casting a vision for what life with God can look like. It's walking with and encouraging him even when he doesn't seem to listen. It's giving him what he needs to choose well and helping him up when he falls. This shows him your love. It shows him your commitment to his best, even while helping him piece together the aftermath of his mistakes.
Calling him OUT is the opposite. It's pointing out the imposter and berating him for choosing that life. It's shaking your head in disappointment when he falls and walking away to let him pick up the pieces alone. It's throwing his failures at him repeatedly but never helping him choose better. It's leveraging fear, shame, and condemnation to invoke change. Ultimately, this doesn't work. It just leaves our boys disconnected and isolated.
Let me give you an example of when I called one of my sons UP instead of OUT.
I do two ceremonies with my sons as they progress into Manhood. One ceremony is a knife ceremony, where I spend time calling them up into living from their true identity. The other is a sword ceremony. This ceremony is meant to be an affirmation- a way of saying, "You are doing well with a little (the knife), so you can be trusted with more." One is an invitation/challenge, and the other affirms a "job well done.
When it was time to give him his sword, one of my sons was not living from his true identity. He was living an isolated, smaller story, wrestling with his identity and making poor decisions. I wrestled with giving him something that was meant to signify something he wasn't living. But, a mentor of mine reminded me that in 1 Corinthians, God calls us to leverage our faith on behalf of others.
As my son's dad, I could use my faith to call him UP into his True Identity! I knew who he was and believed in who God crafted him to be. I knew they could get to that destination together. I also had a group of men that would have his back, thick or thin, as he walked (and stumbled) into his True Identity
When I gave my son his sword, I said, "I believe in the son and man God has created you to be, and I know you can be that person if you allow him to father you. This community of men (and I pointed to the men around him) is here for you and will fight for your heart and life. You are never alone." We all affirmed the character and heart we knew our Creator put in him, even if it wasn't yet surrendered to the True Source, for his glory and kingdom. I presented him with HIS sword and called him UP into the fight. Today, my faith in God's heart and relentless pursuit of my son has borne fruit in his life.
I truly believe my faithfulness to calling him UP and walking with him is one of the reasons my son found life. If I had refused to give him the sword or called him out during the ceremony (saying why I wasn't giving him a sword), I would have evoked shame and self-hatred, pushing him deeper into his imposter life and smaller story.
As you explore wandering in the Wilderness this month, be aware of how you handle your son's heart. Are you calling him UP or calling him OUT. Commit to calling him up and walking with him as he learns to live from his True Identity.
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